इह बनारस लिए जा रहा हूँ …

आज एक आदत साथ लिए जा रहा हूँ 
अपने साथ इह बनारस लिए जा रहा हूँ 
पांच साल पहले आया जो था मन मार के
आज उसे ही यादों से भारी किए जा रहा हूँ.… 
आधी रात में दोस्तों की अमूमन ‘बकर ‘
अगली सुबह आठ बजे का लेक्चर 
गुरु की शिक्षा और ज़िन्दगी के अमूल्य अनुभव 
सब कुछ पिटारे में बंद किये जा रहा हूँ 
अपने साथ इह बनारस लिए जा  हूँ…  

 घाट पे घूमना आज बहुत  याद आ रहा है 
अस्सी का  सूरज आज थोड़ा फीका लग रहा है 
उसे भी शायद लग गया होगा 
की आज रूँधा गला लिए जा रहा हूँ 
बम बोल रहा बनारस 
भांग घोल रहा बनारस 
आज विश्वनाथ की भूमि से विदा लिए जा रहा हूँ 
अपने साथ इह बनारस लिए जा रहा हूँ 
पान का कुछ पीला बनारसी पत्ता 
उसके ऊपर गुलकंद, चूना, कत्था
खाया तो नहीं है आज़तक 
पर अब स्वाद लिए जा रहा हूँ
अपने साथ इह बनारस लिए जा रहा हूँ 
मलैय्यो का स्वाद, टमाटर चाट 
पूड़ी सब्ज़ी का नाश्ता, कचौरी आठ 
आज के बाद वक़्त कहाँ 
इसलिए भरपेट खाए जा रहा हूँ 
अपने साथ इह बनारस लिए जा रहा हूँ.… 

मालवीय जी की धरोहर, संकटमोचन की भूमि 
गंगा की धारा,  महादेव की भक्ति 
सबके आगे शीश झुकाए जा रहा हूँ 
अपने साथ इह बनारस लिए जा रहा हूँ… 

आज गौधोलिया की भीड़ क्यों कम सी है 
चौक की ठंडाई में भी मिठास कम है 
अजी उन लौंडों को कौन समझाए 
मैं अपने साथ काशी की रूह लिए जा रहा हूँ 
अपने साथ इह बनारस लिए जा रहा हूँ…. 

कहते हैं यहाँ मरने पे मोक्ष मिले 
रहना स्वर्ग से कम नहीं 
अमां किसे परवाह है जन्नत की 
मैं तो गंगा में ही डुबकी लगाये जा रहा हूँ 
अपने साथ इह बनारस लिए जा रहा हूँ…. 

कहानियां सुनाने में तो सदियाँ बीत जाए 
इस काशी को तो विद्वान-पंडित भी कहाँ समेट पाए
मैं तो बस पलकों पे आए आंसुओं की ज़ुबानी लिखे जा रहा हूँ 
दशाश्वमेध की गंगा आरती से ज्योति लेके 
हर हर महादेव के जयकारे लगाके 
कोतवाल काल-भैरव की आज्ञा लगाके 
आज यह काशी-यात्रा संपन्न किए जा रहा हूँ 
आज एक आदत साथ लिए जा रहा हूँ 
अपने साथ इह बनारस लिए जा रहा हूँ। 

॥ हर हर महादेव ॥ 

The buzz in the 5th year lobby

Before reading this post, I request you to go through it’s prequel here first to set the mood for the geeky-onslaught I am about to do. Also, the disclaimer in the prequel holds here too. 

Last year, when I had wrote about the histrionics of the 4th-year lobby, I was not a part of it. I had witnessed it from the POV of a laid-back observer who used to think that this kind of transformation (pun intended) won’t happen to him when he comes into his final year. I became a part of this frenzied world in my 5th year* and realized that this changeover is inevitable and can be justified. All other things remain unchanged – the focus always stays on ‘how-to-do-it-efficiently’ rather than ‘how-to-do-it’, the thought process and the never-ending procrastination. And the most important change that I’ve observed after becoming one of them is the ability to pick even whispers about what kind of questions a particular company has asked in other colleges. You can even listen it from miles, believe me.

But still, when an individual starts relating his algorithms and bit -patterns to something as simple as eating or locking his hostel room, he has lost it. Nothing can be justified then. It’s like PAPPU (you-know-who) himself has come to reveal his true identity. Others start questioning the very purpose of their existence. So here I am revealing some of the deadliest, cannibalistic and slaying incidences that might make you opt for self-exile from this unearthly lobby.

  •  “Abe yaar wo kaunsa sign hota hai..jo sentence ke last me lagate hain..jisme neeche dot hota hai..abe NEGATION OPERATOR..” – The eBay guy. He was referring to exclamation sign. I know, see you in hell.
  • Unhone Vampire Diaries me itni stories daal di ki ab bahut sare threads ho gaye aur ab unse manage nahi ho raha. Main Git-hub ka term bolne wala tha par ruk gaya.” His partner in crime – “tu FORK bolne wala tha par wo galat hai..tu BRANCH bolta to bhi galat hota..” – The MS guy. The producers must have told the actors on the set to rip their heart out for real after this.
  • Mujhe agar 1 week me wapas de doge paisa to de sakta hun udhaar..main Real-Time System hun..time constraints strictly follow karta hun..” – The EPIC guy. I dont think I need to say anything about ANNA.
  • Abe ispe to ye picture ekdum mast RENDER ho jati hai..” – The Amazon guy. Gone are those days when people used to say ‘kya mast DIKH raha hai‘.
  • Khana khane chal raha hai ki nahi..Its a boolean question. 1 ya 0 me answer de..” – The eBay guy again.
  • “Lock to bas ek hi bar khulta hai..koi recursive lock to hai nahi ki baar-baar kholen..” – The eBay guy has scored a touchdown with this.
  • Ye guesthouse gol-gol kyun banaya hai..taki AKA aae aur nikal jaye..use mujhe pakadne ke liye FAST PTR hona padega..” – The Nvidia girl. She was referring to loop-detection in link-list. Goddddd!!!
  • Sab ladkiyon ko equally dekhna hota hai..normalization kar denge..” – The Arista guy. I wont be commenting on this. He is me.
  • And a picture says a thousand words – 
Despite going through all of this shit, we, IDD CSE09, bagged awesome jobs and are now struggling with thesis. No official lectures, no CTs, no endsems – life is great in last semester.

Here are the guys who, unknowingly, have created this written reality – 

I also want to thank Aman Singhal, Himanshu Gupta, Sudhakat Kumawat, Nitish Chandra, Yogendra Dehariya, Vijay Nayak and Naman Goel for their godmax support and we, as a family, are now busy in celebrating this thing called ‘college life’.

    I love you, Benares!

    Varanasi Ghats

    Dear Benares,

    Yes, I love you. I seriously do. And I don’t think that I’ll be able to get hold of you. I dont want my stroll from Assi to Dashashwamedh to end. I dont want the crowd of Gowdholia to go any lesser. I dont want to hear ‘HOW ARE YOU?’ instead of kaisan ba? And most importantly, I dont want you to become any of the metros.

    Everything about you is intoxicating. The way auto-wallahs shout Lanka-BICCHU…Lanka-BICCHU… on your narrow roads, the way every Paan-ki-Dukan flourishes in your smallest of the corners, the way every building poses a threat of falling but still stands high on your rich history – you swept me off my feet.
    I was very skeptic when I first sat my foot on your land as to how will I survive in this backward city. With lack of metro-like infrastructure, I thought I committed a blunder by deciding to come to this city. Most of my friends went to Bombay, Delhi and Kanpur and I came here – to YOU. Nevertheless I started liking you.
    I live in the BHU campus and during my stay of 4 years here, I have tried my best to get to know you better and used to think that 5 years would be a considerable period of time to explore you completely. Now I realize how wrong I was. I have met people who came from distant land to know what’s about you which is so attracting and believe me, even after 15 years, they are still discovering. They have made you their home. Now they dont wanna go anywhere. And now I am one of them.
    My love for you was a gradual process. I have loved you in my idle sitting in the evening at Assi Ghat, in crossing the length of the Holy Ganga, in celebrating Dev-Deepwali, in eating Malaiyyo and in the morning prayers of saints. I found a bit in highly narrow alleys and other in people singing lalipop lagelu‘ :D. The rest is from Sangeet Samaroh in Sankat Mochan to Dhrupad Mela at Tulsi Ghat.
    Though I’ll be leaving you after a year but that will not change anything. You’ll always have a special place in my heart. 

    The City of Mazes

    Believe me, I LOVE YOU.

    from lie to truth…
    from darkness to light…
    from karma to moksha…
    from being human to experiencing God…
    from life to death…


    P.S. jetna garam tohar khoon hau, okar dugna garam hamaar moot hau au jab moot deb dahiya ma fafola pari jai…samajhe na!!

    End Credits

    Good Evening!

    Yes, the inevitable evening has arrived. Evening of the most cherished phase of our life – COLLEGE LIFE. Imagine you and your friends, sitting on a wall and seeing the sun setting down. A blanket of darkness and chill covers you. Much like the end of a heart-warming show. A very terrified thought crosses your mind – What will happen tomorrow morning? Where will I be? Why ‘this’ can’t be continued eternally long? And your heart shrinks – this is what closely feels like in the last-ever week of the 4 years of your cant-be-described-in-words college life.

    I am no exception to it. Though I am not leaving this year but I am still feeling the same and that’s because my friends are graduating. They will leave. So will a part of mine with them. Over a span of these 4 years, I’ve had the luxury of company of some awesome people who have affected me in one way or another. And in my timeline, they deserve end credits.

    • Varinder Singh Grewal, Kiranjot Singh Deol and Akash Garg – A day will surely come when both of you will leave the game after half-time and score shall read 6-0 with Real Madrid at my disposal and Akash 22 ji, Ajmer is your home too now. Be it classes, assignments, CTs, labs or endsems – these guys never gave a rat’s ass to anything. Deol, being a prodigal coder, got placed in Facebook, Vinda in Adobe and Miss in Paypal.
    • Ayush Rawat, Saurabh Pratap Singh, Chirag Agarwal, Kapil Agarwal, Sahitya Agarwal and Prashant Chaudhary – I can sum up my whole 2nd year with these people. Always high on energy. 
    • Yashpal Singh and Nishant Kumar – These two require special mention. Palu and Drag were always there after what happened in 3rd year. Yashpal, I mean it when I said I’ll light up whole of the Udaipur for you and Nishant, aaj raat main free hun. 😀
    • Ravi Nagar, Ishan Tyagi and Ravi Bhanu – If you have an awesome starting, you enjoy the journey thoroughly. These 3 along with Vijay were all I had back in my freshman year. Guys, I apologize for not continuing with the same pace but I still share those brotherly feelings. Nagar, I was writing this blog when you were going through job interviews and I am finishing it with the news of your placement. Happy days all over again. Congrats!!
    • Abhishek Ranjan (GOD), Kamlesh Kumar Mahawar and Ravi Kumar – I seriously dont know why Ranjan sees me as a versatile person. A supportive friend indeed. And I dont know what to say about Bobo. A simple guy with a pure Rajasthani heart. Are Netaji, Pranam – a true leader and a very humble person.
    • Jahnavi Singhal and Kumar Ankit – You cannot find a humble person teaming up with a self-righteous one. Former one is a conventional believer whereas latter one is a rational logic appraiser. Part of the only group which I didn’t leave. You guys are just great.
    • Sonul Saxena – One of the finest persons I’ve ever met. A true gem of a person, dear friend, sincere student, sober personality, musician with a terrific voice, avid traveller… – are you still looking for more adjectives? Apart from my music group, she’s the only person who can identify as well as appreciate acoustic bass. Captain, karke dikhaenge….han bhai han…😀


    • Kushagra Sharma – The one who didn’t want to be a bassist just because being one wasn’t cool. He started with being a hardcore Green Day supporter and ended up as a good critic of Porcupine Tree. He hates being scolded in front of juniors. Kushagra, I have attended Porcupine Tree live and have met Steven Wilson in person. 1 me – you 0.
    • Hardik Shah – Unarguably the best guitarist/musician in college. A great admirer of progressive genre and a fine teacher of music theory. We started with For Whom The Bell Tolls and ended on Tom Sawyer with 2 OCs on our list.
    • Vivek Singh Grewal – You meet the low frequency God now. Deeply interested in classic rock but always talk in probabilistic terms – han, main dekhta hun..kuch karte hain..ho jayega..bas 5 min me aata hun..
    • Harshit Pareek – He’s my brother and a fine tabla player. He represents the Indian Music Club of the college and have a great passion for fusion genre. One of the few who genuinely don’t believe in the segregation of music into Indian and Western. 😉
    • Aditya Prasad – You just cant match this person’s intellect. A true versatile person – CGPA >8.5, even got 9 once, doesn’t do STUFF and a classic rock guitarist. You are a real inspiration to budding musicians.

    And I just can’t leave mentioning Akshit Jain – My buddy since class 4 and continuing with me till the college. Be it school classes, lunch breaks, Kota, 13th, college – he was there with me for every single minute. My brother from another mother.

    I apologize to all those whose names I haven’t mentioned here but you all too made this journey a joyous one.

    I hope you’ve had the TIME OF YOUR LIFE.

    How do you hold down poop pressure!

    NOTE: Not for those who can’t withstand the poop-thought!

    People in my batch have certainly assumed me to be the ‘hagga-God’ because of my ability to raise any topic mixed with gory details of poop. And that too while they are eating something. Without any shame. Just dare to engage me on this.
    So in this post, I want to describe one of the most common thought processes that has occurred to all of us, particularly in the morning. Some of you have mastered it, others just couldn’t. This is poop-pressure-while-there’s-someone-in-the-bathroom.

    “Its an art, not science. You just can’t train your body to curb it. You feel so much impact on your body and on psychological level, you just start praying.” – Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

    Lets start imagining. You get up at 7.45 in the morning. Your class/exam is about to start in 15 mins. You run towards bathroom only to find out that there’s a queue. BAMM! Now starts the real exam and believe me, in the course of waiting, you will convince yourself that this is the apocalypse and surviving it will be the biggest blessing that God has ever bestowed upon you. Let me show you how you fight (consider your threshold to be of 10 mins).

    0-1st min: “(mild reaction) Oh shit! It’s occupied. Never-mind, I’ll wait. Someone will definitely come out within a few seconds. Life is good!

    1st-3rd min: “(tension creeps in) Phew! Who takes this much amount of time to let it out? Certainly not me! I mean, people should be more considerate.

    3rd-4th min: *Door knocking starts* You have started to pull things upwards 😉

    4th-5th min: “(sweat breaks and you have ceased to move because you have experienced that movement does nothing but applies pressure outwards) *politely* Bhaiyon, aa jao bahar yaar!

    5th-7th min: “(suddenly another thought comes to your mind. Needless to say that pressure is just short of what is required to burst things out) Do I have Tide or Surf Excel or any damn detergent? More importantly, do i have a spare underwear? Kyunki-ye-daag-to-bilkul-acche-nahi honge…

    7th-8th min: *Door banging and blabbering of cuss words starts*… b***c***…abe andar tatti kar rahe ho ya pyaz daal ke pakode tal rahe ho..yahan fatne ko hai..bahar aa jao warna bhari hui chaddi muh pe fenk dunga..(you are sweating heavily and the pelvic parts of your body have gone stiff due to constant pressure, inwards as well as outwards)

    8th-9th min, 50 secs: “(..and praying starts) Oh God! You are the ultimate savior. I’ll go to temple every week, will (start)study, will help others in need. I’ll quit vices. I’ll even take a bath daily. Just give me the strength to survive this. Om…Om….Om….

    9th min, 55 secs: *Sound of running water* – There’s a faint ray of hope in this eternity of despair and pain.

    9th min, 59 secs: *door opens and you leap towards it with speed of light*

    10th min: *LOUD THUNDEROUS SOUND*Sweeeeet Mother of Goooooooodddd!!! (a sigh of relief came out and a tear rolled down your cheek, taking away all your pain and giving you the ultimate pleasure)”

    I have drawn a graph which pictorially depicts your mood swings – 

    poop pressure vs time

    Oh boy! Believe me! After that shitload is out of your system, you become a new person – Superman. You feel as if every thing has fallen into right place (literally and figuratively, both), there’s a sense of enlightenment around you and you feel as if you have achieved higher wisdom.

    Agatha Christie once said, “I like pooping. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to poop is a grand thing.”

    Even Adolf Hitler was also a great of admirer of poop – “Zis poop makes me scream vis affection.” 

    This was, my dear friends, a journey through hell and back again!

    Letter to brother from another mother

    Sup man,

    Hope this letter finds you in 12-B.

    I am gonna tell this to you very straight and without any bakchodi. Though I should have done it a long time ago but you know me what kind of person I am. I flunk emotions.

    In the light of recent series of events, I came to know you better than I ever did in last 15 years of our friendship. And to tell you very honestly, I had never thought that you would take care of someone in a way you are taking. The way you responded to some circumstances is something that I used to thought tu to kabhi nahi kar payega. By the way, this particular thought of mine also includes ‘you-know-what’. 😀 Kiddin’. But here you are, standing firmly in the time of need.
    I have always thought what it feels like taking care of someone with everything you have. Maybe I’ll find that person one day (I wanted to write ‘sooner-or-later’ par tu hansega for se 😀) like you have but I doubt if that person can ever find ‘me’ inside me. I don’t know about your case with every detail but I can bet that the case is somewhere near to it (Honestly, i will be afraid if case is anywhere near to it. :D).
    Boy, always remember – Do what you got to do. Dont let anyone point a finger in your face saying you ain’t what you were supposed to be. I think you have had your share of fights and what-not. Now is the time to cherish whatever is left of this glorious 4 year period.

    Regarding the matter of loosing opportunities, ab hamari zindagi ka ekkai maksad hai – BADLA. Maarenge nahi ‘dono’ ko, kehke lenge unki. 

    Lastly, I want you to make a checklist of things that you (and I) had planned before you become a multi-millionaire.

    2. Sign a judicial stamp paper of Rs. 100 that you’ll gift me a Royal Infield and a Honda CRV the day you earn a commission >50 lakhs.
    3. Please add a clause stating that you wont go to Spain without me.

    Suit yourself after this.

    Bahut bol die aaj be. Isse zyada hamse na ho paega. 😀

    Hats off to you. 
    Ab tu infi peace maar.

    Your brother from another mother,
    31, VH.

    Mediocrity at its best

    You may call it hyper-activeness or my unconventional way of thought process (unconventional, marking mediocrity as reference), I am constantly being tortured by my own thoughts. These thoughts, on an abstract level, are my deeper fears of being incompetent, mediocre or sometimes, even wastage of human resources. These thoughts sometimes render me thoughtless; at other times fill me with the synergy of the world. But regardless of their effect on me, they just flash a neon sign board in front of my eyes shoving ‘you are not doing what you got to do’ EVERY SINGLE TIME in my face.

    If you ask me, the real essence of success is best tasted in the dusk of the next day. The sun is setting, birds are returning to their nests and there you are, standing alone, introspecting and thinking about the hard work you did at that point of time yesterday, the day before yesterday and so on and the memories bring a sweet, secret smile on your relaxed and content face. I am pretty much sure that you all must have felt something like this sooner or later. I was lucky to experience it once when I cleared NTSE Level -1 with state rank 8th (2005; 9th standard). I eventually became NTSE scholar after steering through all rounds but the feel, the gist of achieving something is still intact in my heart. And since that time, I have been trying to experience it just one more time.

    The reasons that I account for not getting any concrete success after that is my lack of optimum devotion to anything that I get into. I am a student in an IIT but not intelligent enough, in CS branch but ain’t a coder, a photographer but human emotions fail me, a graphic designer but color combinations always test me, a drummer with issues in double bass pedal and odd time signatures. So you see, I know 30-40% of everything but 100% of nothing. A classic telltail sign of ‘Jack-Of-All-Master-Of-None’. A perfect example of classic mediocrity. And this thing make me wince. Whenever I party, I feel like I don’t deserve it. Whenever I watch any movie, I feel like I’ve wasted my time. I have done so many things since my freshman year which I thought I could never do but I’ve always failed to touch the height of any specific domain. (I want to blurt everything out. Please let me do it.)

    The thing I want to share with you through my story is that being mediocre sucks big time. If you think big , you’ll always find yourself amidst scarce resources. Be it time or infrastructure. But if you try to push yourself to the limits, try to increase your comfort zone, you will see that the bar will itself go higher. Challenge yourself and become better of it. There ain’t any room for mediocrity. Be the best in whatever you do. If you are a player, play the best of the game. If you are a singer, sing the hell out of it. If you are mason, lay that brick like no one else. If you can arrange for an excuse for anything, you are bound to fail. DO WHAT YOU GOT TO DO.

    Watch the following clip from the movie, ‘Rocky VI’ and learn from Stallone how winnin’ is done.

    Always remember folks – 

    If you can’t be a pine on the top of a hill
    Be a scrub in the valley, but be the best little scrub on the side of the hill
    Be a bush if you can’t be a tree,
    If you can’t be a bush, be a bit of the grass
    And some highway happier make.
    If you can’t be a muskie, then just be a brass,
    But the liveliest bass in the lake.
    We can’t all be captains, we’ve got to be crew,
    There is something for all of us here.
    There’s big work to do and there’s lesser work, too,
    And the thing we must do is the near
    If you can’t be a highway, then just be a trail.
    If you can’t be the sun, be a star.
    It isn’t by size that you win or you fail.
    Be the best of whatever you are.
                                                                                                – Douglas Maloch

    I have designed a poster inspired by this thought. If you like it, you can download it from my flickr account – http://www.flickr.com/photos/ahirnish/8031862083/in/photostream